Jurassic World Dominion Revisited

With it popping up on Netflix, I thought I’d revisit Jurassic World Dominion. The rewatch was was spread over three nights. This extended watch period wasn’t due to my being too busy or too tired.

It was due to it being such hard work! Two years ago I described Dominion as a weak conclusion to the Jurassic story. I also said it would make a decent watch on ITV2 in years to come.

I was wrong on both counts. Dominion is an absolute mess of a film and I was far too easy on it.

Watching it actually boggled my mind. How could so much be so wrong? Everything from the overall idea to the smallest details point to a complete lack of respect for the audience. I’m not trusted to know I’m watching the return of Ellie Sattler without her being dressed in the same clothes as thirty years ago? Or by her awkwardly removing her sunglasses like Grant did once? Nostalgia bait is huge, and despite seeing multiple examples of it sucking now, I’m still perversely open to it. Sadly all three returning OGs get the shaft here. Even making a joke about Malcolm buttoning up his black shirt just made me cringe. You cannot, and should not, attempt to contain Jeff Goldblum’s sexiness. Why do that to us.

Initially I figured I’d lean into the legacy characters, as the new crew are – what’s a nice way to put this – dull as fuck. There are no characters to hang onto with interest through the film. Nothing to carry you through.

I’m trying to think of a positive, and I’m drawing a blank. There were chances to take big swings. But everyone is invincible, unless you’re a bad guy of course. Which brings me to Dodgson. The meme is right there for this…

Dodgson’s limited screentime did not present as some kind of Steve Jobs. It just doesn’t track. It adds nothing! If anything it’s distracting. And why would he have the Barbasol can? It was thirty years ago! My goodness.

If you’re going to muck about this badly, just bring back a zombie Muldoon and at least get a gasp out of me, rather than bland nonsense about locust. I understand the point is about misused genetic power affecting the world. But last time I checked the dinos got that point across well enough.

Why is everyone “pulling a Grady” a holding out their hands to every dinosaur they see?

If you’re going to make Rexy some sort of hero, then why shaft her in a team up fight again?! No one needs to see a T.rex taking an eight count before getting assistance again.

Presenting the Pyroraptor as an improved product in a park could have worked. Here is just looks like a scene from Alien Resurrection and isn’t as memorable (tongue firmly in cheek saying that).

Why why why why why why was this made.

I can’t see me revisiting this film again. The teaser prologue, which is also added to the extended edition, is the only part worth watching. The main film is at best shoddy. At worst it’s wilfully ignorant and abusive of whatever goodwill the franchise has left. A younger me may have given it a pass. Older me can still appreciate the draw of dinosaurs on the big screen. But – and I say this knowing I’ll come back if they can turn the ship around – if this is the best Jurassic can do now, it should go extinct.