“I’d rather watch Transformers 3”
That one quote from my wife sums it up. But let us briefly shine a light on why she’d rather watch that mess of pixels than Battleship. Is it the painful dialogue? Meaningless story threads? Nonthreatening aliens? Risible performances? It is all of these things. But then I think of two more.
1. How can you make a film with battleships and aliens boring?
2. How can a film called ‘Battleship’, based on the game ‘Battleship’, have so little in common with the game bar one tragic three minute scene?
When you’ve got films like The Lego Movie, who hold such clear regard for their toy origins, it’s hard to feel anything other than despair that this got made.
Once I start a film I finish it, even if it’s in parts. So I did finish Battleship. But I did apoligise to my wife for subjecting us to it.
One time I spent two hours in a dentist chair having a root canal. It was preferable to this film.