As I get older (reticent to say mature), there are a few things I try to keep in mind. I guess you could call them words to live by. They may not be life changing, but they are things I’ll mention to my daughter as she grows up, especially if she grows up to be anything like her Pa.
If something brings you joy and isn’t hurting anyone, enjoy it! Don’t apologise.
The single biggest set of words I live by. I wish I’d known sooner but I needed a certain level of maturity to realise it.
I realised that concerning myself too much with what other people thought was energy-sapping and pointless. I’m not sure how or why it clicked, but I’ll happily tell people about watching Steps perform live, completing Metal Gear Solid 25 times, or crying whilst watching The Dark Knight Rises.
Any issues with the things that are bringing me joy aren’t mine, so I’m not going to concern myself with them. Spend your energy enjoying things. Don’t worry about how it’s perceived.
NSYNC cover this well.
“Now, why you wanna try to classify
The type of thing that we do?
‘Cause we’re just fine doin’ what we like
Can we say the same for you?”
Ride the wave.
Act on something when you’re interest is piqued. That wave has risen up, so ride it for as long as it lasts. When it subsides, move onto the next one, and don’t feel bad about it. Doing something when your heart isn’t it, especially a hobby, can be damaging to your relationship with it.
The X-Wing Miniatures game taught me this one. In my 8 years of playing it competitively there were many highs and lows. The first time I decided to take a break I was terrified that I’d wasted the substantial amount of money I’d invested. But over time I realised I’d have times when I played a lot and times when I didn’t. It wasn’t going away! Which led to a much healthier relationship with all my hobbies. In the meantime I ride other waves, which may not even be games. It’s not going anywhere, so I don’t worry about it.
Close the loop.
One of my more recent discoveries and an extremely worthwhile one. An open loop is something that is unfinished, or something that’s on your mind. Unless there’s a way to close it, or at least put it down for now, it will drive you crazy.
Handing it off can take the shape of taking the next step, or even be as simple as writing it all down. I’ve found keeping notes and to-do lists immensely helpful in this regard. The open loops are in those words, not in my head.
You can’t always close loops, and some are good to keep open and think about. But close them off when appropriate and give yourself a break. You’ve likely got enough on your plate, so do yourself a favour.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
This quote by Ted Roosevelt covers several points for me. You do not know what is going on in other people’s lives. Perhaps they’ve got a nice car, or they go on lots of holidays. It’s safe to assume they also have their own problems to deal with. Most importantly, if you spend your energy thinking about how things are so good for others, you’re losing sight of what is good in your own situation. There’s a tendency to compare from a place of weakness, so you’re rarely going to come out of it well. Also be aware that you might be comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle or end.
Backpacks
We’re all wearing a metaphorical backpack. They carry all sorts of things, like all the loops you haven’t written down. You can’t see other people’s backpacks, and they likely won’t mention then, but it’s there. Small, big, heavy, light. All sorts of things go in the backpack. And they all affect how someone goes about things. Keep that in mind.
If you can’t forget it, act on it.
Things don’t always go how you’d like. It’s perfectly natural to have things go against you, and for people to say and do things that you don’t agree with. You can either forget it and move on, or you can raise the issue and tackle it.
This is a particularly sore point that I’ve learnt the hard way. Do not sit on things and hope they’ll go away! I struggle with anything resembling confrontation, and procrastination on this sort of thing has cost me. Recently I’ve acted more positively in just such a situation and been surprised by people’s responses. People can be oblivious, so pointing out how something has made you feel is worthwhile.
Stinky Pete
It turns out Toy Story 2 had a massive effect on me growing up. I continue to be haunted by the story of Prospector Pete being kept mint in box for decades. He became lonely and embittered. So if I’m not using something, or can’t display it, I try to move it on. Use things and love them. If that isn’t happening what’s the point? You don’t want a load of Stinky Pete’s in your loft!
Don’t stress about reboots!
A more tongue in cheek set of words to live by to finish off. Just don’t worry about them! Everything is cyclical, so you can bet that the property you have great affection for will come back around in a new guise. But this time it will most likely not have been made for you! This is the nature of things. If you enjoy the reboot, great! If you don’t, let others enjoy it. No one can take away your version.
Hanlon’s Razor
I learnt about this adage very recently. Turns out it speaks to what I consider my naturally trusting way of doing things.
“Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.”
Some people don’t trust. Some people are guarded. I get that. But I operate from the perspective of trust until proven otherwise. It can hurt me and it has. But it also leaves me open to new experiences and new friends. I always knew this, but I didn’t know there was a adage for it. I try to be empathetic, and for all it’s pros and cons, I prefer to be. This saying just helped me explain why a bit more.
An important caveat that I should mention is that I don’t live by these things all of the time. I frequently mess them up or forget them. But it’s good to remind myself of them every so often.
Do you have any words to live by of your own?
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