Super Duper Dad #5 – Blanking Out

I don’t write these pieces very often. But I’ve been through something that seemed worth writing about. A big step in being responsible and part of a family I feel.

After months of discussion and anxious waiting I’ve had a vasectomy.

For the squeamish, or those of you just don’t want to read about it, feel free to skip this one. I believe this shouldn’t be a weird or taboo thing to discuss, and I’m an open book the rest of the time. So why stop now?

If reading this helps one person it’s worth it. And if it doesn’t, we can all have a giggle about me shooting blanks. I’m no expert, and we’re all different, so I’m sharing my experience. Hopefully it’s useful.

Decision Time

Our little one is five years old now. She’s in Year One, she absolutely loves listening to ABBA, and adores Nightmare Before Christmas. I think we’re doing an alright job. You’d think seeing our happy family would settle things.

But the questions. First there was moving out together. Then there was getting married. Then having a kid. And then are we having more! They never stop!

Each person and family has their own situation and things they’re going through. No one has to do any of it. The only definition of success in my eyes is being happy. I just happen to have done things in a very traditional way.

For me and my wife, this is where we’re at, and we’re happy. That’s enough.

Also, only one of us can actually grow a baby! I saw the strain pregnancy put on my best friend’s body. The sickness. The pain. It was terrifying, and we just don’t want to do all that again. We’ve got a wonderful little girl (plus two cats) and a good life. We’re very grateful, and don’t see a need to change things.

So now, as a thirty-seven year old with one child and a happy personal life, it felt right to do my bit. After multiple discussions with my wife, and me knowing that whatever I go through it can’t compare to what she’s doing done, it was time to get booked in for the snip!

The Snip

This will be different for everyone I guess, based mainly on where you live. I figured that waiting lists would keep the appointment at arm’s length for a while. But from initial conversation to the operation was about three months. Not as much time to fret about getting a needle in my balls as I expected.

I’m going to skip ahead and address something right now! You do not get a needle in your balls.

As for how the day went, I’m going to bullet point this so that I’m very clear on how things progressed:

  • I used a trimmer down below the night before. No need to shave or go crazy. Nicking yourself increases the risk of infection. Grade 2 all over would be fine.
  • At 10am I met the doctor and he described the procedure. There was time to ask questions, and he happily explained the procedure. This is where I discovered my experience would be different to my twin, who had the procedure a month before.
  • I sat in the waiting room for five minutes whilst they prepped the room.
  • Was then called in, where I met the nurse for the first time.
  • I was asked to bring tight underwear, which in my case was some snug Y-fronts (great image for you there). These were handed to the nurse before I stripped down to socks and a t-shirt. Yes I kept my socks on, I don’t like my feet.
  • Hopped onto the bed and laid down. Doctor started what I’d call “getting the lay of the land”. I’m not in the habit of meeting people for ten minutes and then having them cradle my balls, so bit weird.
  • Then the moment I was dreading. The needle.
    • IMPORTANT – It goes in the skin at the top of the balls. It wasn’t a huge needle, and it wasn’t directly into my testes.
    • It didn’t hurt anymore than a flu jab (I had one the next day), but obviously you’re a tad more sensitive down there. It took two seconds, panic over.
  • For the next fifteen minutes I chatted away to the nurse. A couple of times I paused mid-sentence as I felt a pull. That’s a natural thing as the tubes are moved into position to get cut/burnt. It was a bit uncomfortable but never hurt.
  • Then they switched sides and repeated the process. We joked that you swap sides at half time. Needle. Some movement. Done.
  • Once it was done, the Doctor disappeared pretty quickly. Not even a cuddle! The nurse helped me put on my pants (I had shaky legs). She walked me through how careful I’d need to be, and how I’d need to send off a sample in the future to make sure there were no lads left in the barracks.
  • You need to go home with an adult, and you can’t drive, so my wife arrived in reception and we got an Uber home.

Interesting fact – There are two ways of doing it. The doctor can choose to get to each testicle through one opening, or through one each side. Hence being different to my twin. We healed in similar timeframes, so I don’t think it really matters.

Recovering

You’ll go through your own recovery journey, but REST. GOD DAMNIT REST. This is so important.

You’ll think you can do things. Maybe you can. But you’ll pay for it. So put your damn feet up. I had three days off work where I chilled out and tried not to do much. My wife was quick to shut me down when I started getting up and saying “I feel OK”, and she was absolutely right to.

I won’t share the comparison pics from each week of how I healed. For two weeks I barely saw a difference (which happens when you’re looking all the time). Some bruising came in around day four, but I was very fortunate with little swelling. My wife confirmed things were getting better. After three weeks I was back to feeling normal.

After five weeks I was back at the gym, with a small scar. EDIT – A year later I can’t even find the scar.

All that’s left to do is clear the pipes (thirty times over the next sixteen weeks), and then send off a sample to check that I’m no longer live firing. I’ll get a confirmation, and we’ll go from there. EDIT – Life got in the way but I did eventually get everything checked. All good.

Questions?

Please ask me. Vasectomies shouldn’t be a weird thing to talk about. They happen all the time. It seems I had a good experience, but I’m still happy to answer questions and put things to rest where possible. I’ve written over 1100 words about my balls, so don’t be shy!

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