Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones Review

If you break down the story of Episode II, all the right pieces are there.

Jedi Master Kenobi and his Padawan, the highly gifted Anakin Skywalker, are sent to protect an old friend who has been targeted for assassination. They’re protection turns to investigation, as they also uncover the creation of opposing armies. Love blooms, duels ensue, and asteroids are blown up as The Clone Wars begin!

Cor, that could be an awesome story. But as we know, Attack of the Clones is a bloody mess. For me, it’s second only to Rise of Skywalker as the worst Star Wars film. To think seventeen year old me watched this film at the cinema four times!

Jar Jar may have been sidelined this time, but being kid-friendly was never the problem. It’s a marvel how George managed to make everyone perform so poorly. AotC is full of quality actors, who seem to have studied wooden furniture for their inspiration. It’s an odd thing, as I know these actors were keen on being in Star Wars. So it’s not for lack of enthusiasm. All I can think is the amount of green screen – there weren’t even real clones! – undid everyone.

Special mention must be made of the asteroid field chase. I’m not the only person who saw The Mandalorian this year and got excited to see Slave One drop a seismic charge.

BWAAAAAMMMMM. An absolute wonder in sound design so massive kudos to Ben Burtt.

Attack of the Clones takes far too long to do too little. A mixture of technological hubris, terrible talking, and a woman that falls for a child murderer, makes it the worst of the original six films.

George Lucas is a cinematic pioneer, but he shit the bed here.

Plus Jango goes out like a punk.

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